Why My Dad Is the Most Adorable Man I will Ever Meet

I have been blessed in this life to have great men in my family. My grandfather was an amazing, sweet person and I miss him every day. My brother, 15 years my senior, has become one of my dearest friends. But the creme de la creme of all is my father.

He was 40 when I was born, which back then was an oddity. Everyone thought he was my grandfather! I am lucky to have a dad who knows who he is and has always been strong for me. Always.

This does not mean that he isn't the most naive person (in some respects) that I have EVER met. He is also one of the funniest people I've met...unintentionally of course. There are many things that crack me up about Big Jack...playing games with him (making him say "douche bag" out loud in a particularly hysterical round of Balderdash stands out right now)...how he pretends to not hear you when you're right next to him but can decipher anything if you're two rooms away from him hollering.

My favorite, however, are his classic voicemail messages.

He very rarely calls me...most of the time it's my mom (who relays info between the two of us). If forced to leave a message, then things get tricky.

Back in the days of answering machines, I came home to this nugget of cuteness. I swear to God this is the truth.
"Hello, this is Mouthy's father. Please have her call me. At my home. She has the
number. Thank you."

Because I have a personal assistant, aka my answering machine, who tends to tedious tasks such as taking messages. Right?

Saturday he left this classic.
"Mouthy, this is your father. Um...please call me as soon as possible regarding my ladder. Thank you."

Keep in mind this is all done in a very monotone, gruff, irritated sounding voice. When you are almost 36 and your dad calls and says "this is your father", two things happen. One, you feel like you're about 13 again, and two, you assume you forgot to take out the trash or were late for curfew or something. He actually did this to my brother once and freaked him out because he assumed that something had happened to Mom. Because Dad NEVER calls!

I called back, crying because I was laughing so hard. He couldn't understand why I thought it was so funny...but kept telling me to stop giving him a hard time about it. He's a technological infant.

But at least I wasn't in trouble. This time!

Allow Me To Explain Myself....

Welcome!

As this is my inaugural post, I felt it important to get some housekeeping out of the way. I want to start off on the right foot with a full understanding between us, dear reader, so there isn't any confusion or hurt feelings down the road. Let's get to know each other and what this possibly insane address will provide for you.

The "backstory", quite simply, is the tale you come up with to cover your tracks. Or, it could be a story you tell someone just for fun. For example (and trust me there will be many examples of this to come...) coming up with a story as to why you're not at work is your "backstory". If you call in sick, tell your boss that you're over the toilet with the flu when you're actually skiing, that's you're backstory. To use the other example...if you meet a guy and you tell him you're a flight attendant from Hackensack when you're really a teacher from L.A. - that's your backstory.

The reason I chose this name is because I am the QUEEN of the backstory. I can be in a bar, have a guy walk up to me and without thinking suddenly I'm a student at Yale working on my PhD in Astrophysics. I don't know where it comes from...a gift of sorts I suppose. I find myself saying to friends - ALOT - "Okay, so here's our backstory..."

I'm just going to take a shot in the dark here and say...this isn't a "G" rated site. Or even "PG-13". I can't help it...most of the things that come out of my mouth are quite "R" rated. As are most of the things that happen to me. Now, to be clear, I'm not going to be ranting and raving and swearing in every post. There will be adult content, the occasional swear word...but also stories about my family and some friends which will be more tame. I'm a randy girl. I can't help it.

Please make comments! Yell, cry, laugh...whatever you feel like doing...I would just love to know what you're doing when you're doing it. This is my way of getting to know you! Also, feel free to talk about me behind my back. I encourage bad behavior when it comes to this one thing. (Okay, that's a lie...I encourage bad behavior a lot of the time...)

As far as the rest of it goes...I guess I will just say thanks for stopping by. I hope you enjoy reading about my crazy life as much as I love telling you about it. And as I mention in the subtitle, keep in mind, this ain't your mama's blog. So grab your bootstraps and pull, cuz here I come!